True love is not a feeling. I know this to be true because feelings are dependent upon the situation. Feelings change. You may wake up one morning and realize that you aren’t in the honeymoon phase anymore. You may wake up and realize that you no longer feel like giving your all to your spouse. Don’t mistake the disappearance of infatuation for the disappearance of love. True love is not when you always want to be with that person. True love is shown when you stay with that person even when you don’t particularly feel like it. True love means that you continue to fight, continue to love, and continue to forgive—even while the other is in the act of committing adultery. True love is sacrificial and unconditional. Having true love will not make your life easy and happy, like Hollywood would like you to think; true love is tragic. It is exhausting to love someone when you don’t feel like it. It hurts to love someone when they don’t deserve it. But what is true love? Is it when you always want to be with the other person, or is it when you choose to be with them despite the fact that you don’t want to be with them? Is it when you only care about them while they are faithful, or is it when you choose to forgive them and stay faithful despite their unfaithfulness?
Though romance novels would like you to think that you cannot control who you fall in love with, true love is very much a choice. Infatuation is when you love what the other person does, or what they have to offer you. If you love her because she is beautiful, then you do not love her at all; you only love her beauty. If you love him because he gives you kind words, then you do not love him at all; you love his words. True love stays when the beauty fades, and it stays when the beauty is no longer enough. True love forgives even when his words are no longer kind. This truth makes true love look much less attractive.
Many would say, “I will choose infatuation. It is easier.” I would tell them that infatuation will ultimately end, and you will be left to break away from that person and find another all over again in order to feel that feeling. It is like a drug. Many people would think, “How could she stay with him when he…” But they do not understand true love. True love is not bought by perks or good actions so it cannot be lost when the perks fade and the good actions aren’t as frequent. True love is stronger than anything—even sins and unfaithfulness. The reason as to why there are so many divorces nowadays is because of individuals who did not count the cost before saying “I do.” They assumed that loving the other would always be easy. But true love is one of the most self-sacrificing powers in existence. It is nearly impossible to have such a perfect love; many wonder if it exists at all. I would insist that it very much does exist; that I had seen it myself. I would then direct them to Calvary.